Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been so excited to see men and women, both pastors and lay-leaders, asking questions about what it looks like for men and women to serve alongside each other for the good of the Church. A couple of male pastors have asked for some advice on how to help their staff be more healthy in this area. Since even female pastors can do things to improve the health of their staffs, here are three great places to start:
1) Look around: Who is in staff meetings? Who is on lead teams? The local church, like the rest of the world, is about 50% women, but many pastors don’t have even one woman serving in leadership alongside them. If you’re not sure who to add, the first person to consider would be whoever is leading your Women’s Ministry. That person is shepherding, teaching, and caring for the women in your church, and her voice is invaluable as you make decisions, write messages, and review your weekly services.
Who is speaking in staff meetings? Who has gone quiet? Do people regularly interrupt each other? Are one or two people dominating the conversation? Pay attention to these things for a couple of weeks, and then have a conversation with your staff about what you’ve observed. Talk to the quieter ones – not as a reprimand! but out of genuine interest – about why they don’t speak in meetings. As a staff, come up with any new meeting rules that will ensure every voice is heard and that no one is pushed aside.
Who is represented on stage on Sunday mornings? Even if your church doesn’t ordain women, they can and should do anything a non-ordained man can do, including reading Scripture, praying, giving announcements, and leading worship (actually leading, not just singing back-up).
NOTE: These are all great questions to ask about other groups in your church as well, including people of color, unmarried adults, young people, and your Senior Saints!
2) Ask questions and listen carefully to the answers: Ask the women in your church who are leading in women’s ministry, kids’ ministry, worship, and wherever else they are, questions about their ministry area, questions about their lives as leaders and as members of your congregation, and ask about where they see holes in your church’s mission that women could fill. And ask for names – I guarantee they have them ready for you.
Ask them for feedback on messages and on decisions you’re in the process of making that affect them personally and in their ministry area. Use them as a resource to improve the way you’re reaching out to your city. After all, women are the ones in the schools, at the parks, in the coffee shops, and in the gym – they have their finger on the pulse of your community because they’re actively involved in all aspects of it.
One pastor recently asked on Twitter how he can get better about knowing what’s going on in the Women’s Ministry at his church without it looking like he’s spying. Such a good question with such a simple answer: Develop a strong relationship with the women leading, and then, ask if you can drop by their Bible studies and events from time to time, just to see what’s going on.
This will not only communicate to the women in your church that you care about what they’re studying and doing, but it will also open up avenues of communication about what women need from you as their Pastor. But the relationship is key. Without it, yes, they may think you’re just spying on them so you can criticize them.
3) Survey your bookshelf (and your Social Media feeds): If most of what you’re reading was written by men, seek out and intentionally add women authors, people of color, and other groups that are missing. Listen to what they have to say, asking God to give you eyes to see, ears to hear, and a will to obey whatever He may teach you through them.
These are three simple steps, but don’t be fooled. Every one of these will require a great deal of humility on your part. You need to be willing to accept genuine, constructive criticism without anger or vengeance. You need to be willing to make changes that others agree are needed. You need to be willing to admit it if you were wrong in the past, and you need to be willing to commit to getting better in the future.
Ladies, as our pastors do these things, we need to be just as humble and willing to admit our wrongs. When I was in an environment where I was pushed aside, interrupted, and ignored, I chose anger, resentment, and passive-aggressiveness, rather than trying to fix the problem from the “inside”. I made assumptions that I wouldn’t be heard if I tried, which did nothing to lead our staff toward health. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. Let's choose humility, choose courage, and choose to speak in love and grace, even if it seems like no one is listening yet.
With God’s help, we can all work toward creating a Church that represents Jesus well – both to her members, and to the World.
May God grant you grace, peace, comfort, and strength as you work in your local church to make it a bit healthier and better able to meet the needs of the people around you!
Pastors and Lay Leaders, what other things have you done to create a healthier staff of men and women who work together for the Gospel?